eva hesse.

to say everything has been ordinary, would be a complete lie. and i am not complaining one bit. i acttually loved being drenched in activity and confusion and rushing to make buses and lunch dates. it makes me feel as though i am living and loving every moment of my life. that i am enjoying every breath. just like my tattoo.

so far so good. i don't even know where to began. I can start by leaving off from my last entry. friday our friends ended up coming to my dorm where we played games of kings and smoked cigars. saturday is such a blur i can't even remember, i know nikki and i went out but i can't even remember. sunday we went to a show to see some friends and see some friends play. we ended up so lost, we actually found ourselves at an airport. yeah... we chilled with jaqi there which was super. monday alyssa nikki and i went to a bar and i ended up sleeping over nikkis. tuesday, nikki and i made it into the city at like 11pm (after i had class, went home for dinner, and ran back to school) for a hispter bar/dj party. which was oddly intense. of course, i discovered one good looking guy who when i went to dance with him, quickly found he was gay. i'm really good at finding the gay ones. not a joke, not meant to be funny. seriously. we took an eight am bus to make class the next day.

last night was my first night in since i've been at school. during the day time and early evening bethany and i went to the mall.. but thats besides the point. i decided i needed rest because my immune system is struggling. i met up with an old friend for tea at like midnight. it was an overdue chat of needed explinations and killing of curiosity. i really needed it, and as hard as it was to hear all the things that already had hurt me, it was needed for clarification. i've learned through this experience so many things
1) chose your friends wisely they are all not real.
2) forgive, forget, and move on. life is to short to do otherwise.
3) real friends will care about one anothers well being.
4) no matter what falling out friends have, real ones always come back.
5) and don't limit your friends to a few people. this is probably the most important one.

I am unsure how i feel about the situation. feeling betrayed and forgotten is an odd emotion to feel all at once. i believe in time i will be fine with this mangled friendship, simply because i value friendship in all forms. only time will tell for sure.

i'm going to write a meaningful entry soon i swear. i need to update my life between class schedules and going out and lunch dates and shows. oi. basically i love life and i am looking forward to what else is going to come to me in the future.

bruce samuelson

it has been a bizzzare week now that has school started again. i was slightly afraid to return in fear that i would have to face some unsolved issues with people i once considered very good friends. with that being said, i felt uncomfortabe in my return thinking i'd have no tight knit group of friends to enjoy life with. but oddly, and thankfully this is not the case.

i have not been in my dorm one night since i have been on campus. i have gone out and allowed myself to be social and expand my networking. by being good friends with only a small group of people i blocked myself off from stretching out and touching people. mostly because i was beyond content in my own little niche of friends. but this week has been an adventure yet. tuesday i went with april and bethany to a tattoo palor where they got new tattoos and i got my nose pierced. (i want more ink soo bad!!) after i took my new room mate to a frat party with my friend nikki. the next day somehow nikki alyssa and i ended up in a silly village party. thursday nikki and i were back out again being crazy. and friday we went to wayne to meet up with a small group of friends, who are awesome ps, for a pants off dance off 80s party. now i am here. vegging out.

but tonight nikki and i are going to a get together in clifton to hang out with dan and jimmy, our silly and super fun model friends. sunday we are going to see red light green light and lady radiator play too. tuesday we are going to some hipster party in the city.

it doesn't end. and i am not complainng oneee bit. there are just two things missing in my life right now, well three if you count sleep. the other two will follow in time. but i can't complain. i am pretty happy right now. minus having homework right now.

but no matter how indifferent i feel about other things, i have no right to complain. things could be so muccch worse. so maybe i am happy. for realz.

anyways. bruce samuelson. check it. charcol and pastel son.

Antoni Gaudi

I had a recent credible experience. in fact, it was very humbling. i feel like i can't even scramble words together to make sense of its intensity, of how simple it was- how moving.

a friend and i decided to go visit another friend who goes to college about three hours away. on our way up, we picked up a friend who goes to a different college. my friend from ohio came down. and the five of us had an incredible time being silly and feeling funny. it was great seeing everyone outside of our home towns. and these four guys in particular are like blood to me. i love them so much. so even that was great.

we had to trek home the next day of course. and wow was it beautiful. it was daylight, with a sky full of the most beautiful astortment of clouds. with rays shining down on rolling hills. with mountains of lush forest for as far as we could see. we cranked up some greatfull dead and led zep and cruised down the highway, all equally in awe of what was around us. it made me want to live outside forever, to paint, to try and chase the sky. anything. it just reminded me how simple life is, and how you really just have to enjoy it. to refrain from material things and fake friends. to just enjoy every breath.

i wish i had a motorhome, a few good friends, a few thirties, and no where to go. i'd leave this town and never look back. just for the sake of living. no one lives forever but i sure as hell want to live whatever amount of time i have to the fullest. to look back on incredible memories. have no regrets. and just be happy. to me, that would be living life to the fullest, chasing your ambitions, respecting others, having no regrets, and living with a head full of stories.

i'm so happy i'm changing my life. i always am. but deeper and deeper each time i am moved. i am the only person who loves change as much as i do. i believe it is because i don't know what steady is. what being comfortable with the same things is all about. i've never really had to many certain things in my life. and i am impatient. and a go getter.

oh my lord. love change. can't wait untill the weather warms up and i can take the top down and drive.



enjoy antoni gaudi. he is an well, words don't explain him either but. he is architect. his piece is still being worked on in barcelona. his mind is justtt outttt there. he also works wonders with mosaics. if you like architect def google this guy. he has soo much art out there.


sorry for the lack of photos, photobucket was being lame.

John Hartman

today i bought a crysler sebring red convertible. is a tad old but runs nice, has new parts, and well, its a convertible. besides that nothing eventful happened besides a lot of thinking.

i have a mini roadtrip this saturday with a few friends to visit danny and gary at their colleges. it'll be about a three hour drive, but knowing how nick drives in his lil'stang it'll be an hour.

i have to have to put my portfolio together tomorrow. its a must. i am dreading the paperwork and i feel the clock ticking like a weight. oi.


oh and taaa daaa here is mista hartman, oil on LINEN folks. linen! except for the second its pastel on paper. but wow awesome. he is drawn to water/rivers and where they lead to, hence the cities. enjoy his beautifully messy work.

Christoph Schmidberger

There are only seven minutes untill midnight, untill another day. I feel like time is running out for some reason. I think it is because i am home, restricted to whatever my parents feel. bound within walls. If you know me, I just can't do that. School is the perfect place for me. Insomnia heaven. When i have nothing to do I'll walk around campus, drive to the nearest park, make new drunken friends, or sit outside my dorm smoking a cigar. It is just, everything I want it to be. Perhaps very lonely because i am with company I barely know, unlike my family who I am now. But the newness makes my heart race. I live for the change, for the unknown, for tomorrow.

I need this newness so bad. Everything feels so bland. I am working on changing my life, as we speak. but it is taking time. god knows i am impatient. For starters, I completed another peice to my portfolio. A odd painting which I really like. I am afraid I will not have everything in on time to transfer. Cross your fingers because I need help.

Things I am changing this year:
1) my nose. it will be peirced soon.
2) my outlook; i've decided to relax more, spend more "me" time.
3) no more pointless hooking up. its very empty.
4) be more impulsive. i already am, but sheesh its fun.
5) my school. new york city for fall? hope so.
6) changing how much trust i put into people. i'm soft in nature when i care about someone. i end up always getting fucked. i just need to be more cautious and stop believing everyone has good intentions untill proven wrong.

and before break is over, which is five days, i need to take a train to nyc, get a new job, see everyone, and roadtrip to danny and garys school. too much to do.


Christoph Schmidberger is the man. his oils are to diiiie for. beautiful. you can tell he is very focused on lighting which he displays effortlessly. seriously most of his works look like pictures, especially his landscapes or skyscapes. most of his paintings are very sexual and focus on the reclining position. which reminds me of henry moore! anyways, incredible work. has a website where you can view his full collections. i hope you find him as incredible as i do.

cross dresser much?

this is called the lonely cowboy. brokeback much?

i believe he uses animals as a symbol of innocence. kind of a balance between the whatever naughty is going on and the littlepet bystander.

again with the pets. he uses this redhead and brittany spaniel a few times. if you notice, there is a dog biscuit in her vagina. very disturbing painting. and position. this one makes me think the most.

Beatriz Milhazes

i'm not even sure what i've been up to. working mostly, this whole weekend. and i've been working on my portfolio. i finished the three sketch test; self-portrait, pair of shoes, and interior of a room. we need twelve to twenty additional pieces, so here is my break down. for my own, organized sake.

1) fashion sketch; red evening gown
2) fashion sketch; black cocktail dress
3) fashion sketch; earth tone summer outfit
4) fashion sketch; blue summer outfit
5) fashion sketch; mod pattern cocktail dress
6) sewn garment; retro pineappleprint day dress
7) sewn garment; striped, rope drawstring shorts
8) sewn garment; TBA
9) Photograph; brother on the slide
10) Photograph; Houston in the snow
11) Sculpture; Plastered abstract body pieces
12) Sculpture; pop art plush cones
13) Sculpture; junk sculpture: radiators/poles/umbrellas
14) Painting; Contemp. linear piece on sex
15) Painting; Watercolor abstract ocean
16) Painting; pop art portrait
17) Sketch; black and white pencil of group
18) Sculpture; Redone chandelier: paint, fabric, beads, yarn

So far, all i need to finish is 8 , 16, 17, and 18.
Today I will finish at least sixteen and perhaps seventeen.


Look out for the upcoming artists I'm going to feature. I just didn't want to forget them because wow. I am blown away, but I was already digging Beatriz.
Christoph Schmidberger and John Hartman. next yo!









dolla dolla billllls ya'll

Alfred Eisenstaedt

I suppose yesterday was eventful. I put together my paperwork for my transfer. Hey, i said i was serious about this whole ordeal. I just need to slap my portfolio together, send my transcripts over, and get a letter of reccomendation. The portfolio part is whats killing me though. I need penciled self portrait, which i know i will have issues with. i also have to draw an inside of a room and either a shoe or bike. those will not be very difficult. the rest is 12-20 selected pieces. I decided i am going to put five fashion design sketches, two sewn garments, two-three photographs, two paintings, one pencil black and white and three sculptures in. Then, I should be set.

besides that, I did not do too much for the day. I helped my mother a lot. and in the evening matt bree and danny came over for a sleepover-hangover event. we really just watched tons of episodes of family guy, invaded my mom and dads alchie stash that they never drink, and played card games. seven and seven? jack and coke? rum and coke? ha, just don't let me mix because i make em strong. so it was silly fun. my sister is a light weight, and despite my mothers no drinks for maria rule i slipped her a glass of red wine, her favorite. she was shit faced on one glass it was great. there is a video of us together, i am playing a song on the harmonica and she is supposed to sing to it but she sings the wrong song, forgets to sing, hums, sings before i start, starts too late, goes too fast. haha it is the funniest video. hands down. anyways, it was a good time. just relaxing, boozing and watching family guy. and then, we all crashed, woke up, and ate waffles.

i need an adventure today. i was planning on going to the city but its too late now for me to make it in time for its original purpose. i might go to the salvation army. and i am on a search for an old, beat up chandelier for a sculpture project i am working on. peraps i will go our for that, and some new canvas! and new fabric. i also need to take photos today, like a mad woman. anyways, i've been inspired by photographs lately. there is this picture i've been wanting to take for years.. there is this huge, huge black horse. he is old and has a long knotty mane that covers the front of his face and he always stands in the doorway of his stall, looking around. he is a handsome devil. and i think it would be the perfect addition to my portfolio.

anyways, i would love to jump in some mud puddles right now, take a hike, or climb a treee. bizzzarrre? i believe so. but i think i' going to pass because there are certain things you should never do in life alone- such as mud puddle jumping. so, anyone down?


i chose alfred for today because he is an incredible photographer of the "american'' he really captures the beauty of relationships between people, of all sorts. and thats one of my main inspirations for sketching and paintings. especially back views. not sure why. well, enjoy.









i wish i could see everything in black and white at times. we would listen less with our eyes and more with our heart. if that makes sense. detail is just more focused in a limitation of color.

Jen Kao; one of vogue/style.com top ten new designers.

today has been quite eventful. on a personal level really.

i remained in my sweats, layered up and warm, i barely left the house but i accomplished so much. to start, i woke up early made myself a shake, and went back into bed. -but not to sleep. i pulled out my marker paper, pencils, acrylic paints, brushes, 100 fabulous marker set, everything and carefully organized it on my bed. and i went to work. i spent a few hours finishing and starting a bunch of projects. i've been really into relationships lately in my artwork, mostly unhealthy ones. but today i focused on real one- but back views. i sketched a few things out and painted one.

i also sketched like three decent design pieces. I am redoing my fashion portfolio. it needs change. i always design evening gowns and cocktail dresses, but thats simply my interest. i am finishing up a flirty cocktail dress tomorrow that i have been sewing actually. i wish i could say it was my design, but its from a pattern. I did change the sleeves and the hem though, and add pin tucks. a bit custom perhaps?

i have decided to leave montclair. it has been fun, and treated me well. but i need change bigger than red hawk country can give me. i had a great first semester, partying, staying out late, driving everywhere, having endless sleepovers- i even made great friends and crushed hard. but everything fell to shambles. i am no longer friends with that crowd for reasons they won't tell me. every crush i fell for in the end made me fall harder. classes were okay, but boring. in all its fun it did not inspire me- except for my sculpture class.

i will be leaving for new york fall semester. it is, out of everywhere in the world where i feel like i belong. that despite my oddities and inabilities to feel comfortable almost anywhere- in the confusion and mystery of new york city, i feel comfortable. it is where i wanted to go originally but thats an entry in its self. i live breathe bleed fashion. every element- sewing, styling, imported fabrics, textiles, the public relations. so my goal for 2008 is trade my jersey comfort zone to the newness of the city.

anyway, i believe i am going saturday to visit an open house, but really to just get an idea on transferring. i plan on going to my favorite cafe on 7th ave and to a few fun places like cheap jacks and what not.

so today, i painted, sketched, sewed, designed, made a new goal, and watched like four hours of runway shows. yup, eventful.



okay my artsie blob goes out to jen kao, a new and upcoming fashion designer. love her stitch detail and just wow, awesome! i wish i could sew like this woman. she has really fresh ideas i enjoyed the little of her that i found. hope you do too!








fresh! fancy! crazy! versitile!

petah coyne.

its is 11:11; make a wish. i never quite understood that, and as a reseult i never really do make a wish. i feel like wishes are silly too, nothing you ever want just happens, it takes hard work not just chance. at least, in most cases. but eleven is my number and is very symbolic to things that go in my life. it reflects a lot off odd abilities i have and i look at eleven as a good number, meaning change. it is a decent way to start an entry.

i woke up earlier today, which felt much better than sleeping my mornings away. but i did not accomplish much. i dislike being away from school and living at home. i keep saying this, but i need change, i need adventure. both are really hard to accomplish when you are bound to the four walls of your family home and without a car. but to sit here all day doing nothing is like, wasting my life away. i can think easily of a hundred things i'd like to do, only a few being probable.

I start school in eleven days (see eleven again) which means my life changes once more. new faces, new classes, new roommate, new crushes, new assignments, new shows, new train rides, new lost roadtrips, new cases of beer. i can leave at one in the morning to go to the park. i could walk into drunk people and go to dinner with them, which happens a lot. i could lay on the hill again when no one is around and try to make out the stars against the new york city skyline. i could go for campus runs again. everything will be set, i will feel independent and in control once more.

even then, in my little niche of my world i think i am still going to try and transfer to the city. it is where i have always felt like i belonged. i almost never feel connected with people, but somehow in that concrete jungle of everything immaginable i feel like i belong. maybe next year?

and i have this silly, not going anywhere crush. i seem to get them a lot. it is a nice thought that it would, but that is very ridiculous thinking.

my artist today will be petah coyne. she is a beautiful american born sculptor, lives in new york city. her work was a somewhat inspiration for a sculpture i created last semester. regardless, she is one of my favorite sculpture artists. very gothic, uses fabric flowers and birds, wax, candles, everything. also takes brilliant photographs. but i like her bizzzzare sculptures. enjoy.

angela fraleigh.

well i woke again today to a late start. i feel inadequate if i try and sleep at night for some strange reason. i strain myself to stay awake for the sake of just feeling alive. its like i am afraid i'm going to miss something important. so i wait, for nothing. i don't even watch TV or listen to music, often i just soak in my thoughts until my head becomes so swollen it lays itself to rest.

so i woke up late again, which i have to stop doing. three weeks ago i could have gone days without sleep, or nights simply with two or three hours of sleep. maybe i am losing my edge, or i am getting better.

i went for a run today. which was very refreshing. i pay attention to detail, it captivates me. the scenery was dead, bold with its long branches breaking the skyline, the mud puddles that soaked the earth, the bits of lichen that grew and twisted itself upon trusted rocks. i find the wintertime so beautiful, as it is symbolic to death. on my run i saw everything echoing death, the trees, grass, desperate sky. everything. but in return it also echoed hope. and i believe hope is such a human quality. and to feel it as an emotion from the earth is a unique experience. and yet how scared most people are of death. such a shame that we are. i don't think i am afraid of death, rather i am afraid of not living while i am alive.

i also started step one of the job process. i really need to leave where i am at now. the lack of hours and the sneaky management really makes things...odd. school will be also starting very soon and my supervisor is not being flexible with my hours. his loss, his customers love me and remind him often. but i need change. in fact, i've never had the same job for more than a year. can't do it. too boring. so i went down towards school today and invaded all near by places i could wait at, and the near by urban outfitters. i'd rather work there. no more food on my dress shirts. no more drunk customers. no more burnt fingers and arms. just relaxing, hanging up clothes, "try that in green we have a bunch to the left," and swiping credit cards. not to mention the endless good looking, tattooed, chic dressed doods i can oogle at.

besides my mini adventure to back to school and near by places. i purchased this most peculiar pair of brown leather knee high boots today. also a strange turquoise and brown fringed scarf and a tie-dye faded brown shirt.

on a side note, i have little to no luck in the dood department. i have very high standards but somehow i still fuck myself. and there are a few really nice, good looking, clean cut, goal oriented guys out there asking me for a date. but i blow them off. my mom asked me why today. clearly angry and counting off the things that make them so dateable. and i cut her off mid sentence. i was like don't you get it? they are boring. they bore me to no end. they have nothing else to them except their credentials. i don't like guys with crew cuts and polos and degrees in business. she was not too happy with my response. and she baited me, so i responded. ''i like guys who are artistic in some way, painting, plays an instrument, who has piercings, who has ink, and messy hair, down to earth. i can't help it mother dearest. at this point she rolled her eyes and trotted away.

i am going to try and convince myself to get some rest. i keep another blog that is private- through another blogging site. but i enjoy a public one, so this one will be a public friendly blob of my life. i am also going to post a favorite piece of artwork or two when ever I write.


tomorrow i am:
1. not sleeping in too late.
2. going on another run.
3. sewing that dress.
4. painting another for my mini series.
5. not letting anyone ruin my day.









all work by angela fraleigh. sexual relationships. inspired by desire and the greek god eros (of sex and desire) beautiful work with oils. discovered her when i was at the Kemper Museum of Modern Art in kansas city, mi. and all the women have blue eyes, i'd love to know the meaning behind it...? Names of the pieces in order as they appear.

1. until this
2. Here (Now Again)
3. before it had a name
4. even