so i woke up late again, which i have to stop doing. three weeks ago i could have gone days without sleep, or nights simply with two or three hours of sleep. maybe i am losing my edge, or i am getting better.
i went for a run today. which was very refreshing. i pay attention to detail, it captivates me. the scenery was dead, bold with its long branches breaking the skyline, the mud puddles that soaked the earth, the bits of lichen that grew and twisted itself upon trusted rocks. i find the wintertime so beautiful, as it is symbolic to death. on my run i saw everything echoing death, the trees, grass, desperate sky. everything. but in return it also echoed hope. and i believe hope is such a human quality. and to feel it as an emotion from the earth is a unique experience. and yet how scared most people are of death. such a shame that we are. i don't think i am afraid of death, rather i am afraid of not living while i am alive.
i also started step one of the job process. i really need to leave where i am at now. the lack of hours and the sneaky management really makes things...odd. school will be also starting very soon and my supervisor is not being flexible with my hours. his loss, his customers love me and remind him often. but i need change. in fact, i've never had the same job for more than a year. can't do it. too boring. so i went down towards school today and invaded all near by places i could wait at, and the near by urban outfitters. i'd rather work there. no more food on my dress shirts. no more drunk customers. no more burnt fingers and arms. just relaxing, hanging up clothes, "try that in green we have a bunch to the left," and swiping credit cards. not to mention the endless good looking, tattooed, chic dressed doods i can oogle at.
besides my mini adventure to back to school and near by places. i purchased this most peculiar pair of brown leather knee high boots today. also a strange turquoise and brown fringed scarf and a tie-dye faded brown shirt.
on a side note, i have little to no luck in the dood department. i have very high standards but somehow i still fuck myself. and there are a few really nice, good looking, clean cut, goal oriented guys out there asking me for a date. but i blow them off. my mom asked me why today. clearly angry and counting off the things that make them so dateable. and i cut her off mid sentence. i was like don't you get it? they are boring. they bore me to no end. they have nothing else to them except their credentials. i don't like guys with crew cuts and polos and degrees in business. she was not too happy with my response. and she baited me, so i responded. ''i like guys who are artistic in some way, painting, plays an instrument, who has piercings, who has ink, and messy hair, down to earth. i can't help it mother dearest. at this point she rolled her eyes and trotted away.
i am going to try and convince myself to get some rest. i keep another blog that is private- through another blogging site. but i enjoy a public one, so this one will be a public friendly blob of my life. i am also going to post a favorite piece of artwork or two when ever I write.
tomorrow i am:
1. not sleeping in too late.
2. going on another run.
3. sewing that dress.
4. painting another for my mini series.
5. not letting anyone ruin my day.
all work by angela fraleigh. sexual relationships. inspired by desire and the greek god eros (of sex and desire) beautiful work with oils. discovered her when i was at the Kemper Museum of Modern Art in kansas city, mi. and all the women have blue eyes, i'd love to know the meaning behind it...? Names of the pieces in order as they appear.
1. until this
2. Here (Now Again)
3. before it had a name
4. even
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