1. the shower i must take. last night was a pretty long shift at work. I punched in sometime before three and out sometime after three thirty am. after work two of coworkers {who are most likely the funniest people you will ever meet, imagine them together?} went to the diner to have breakfast. I did not get home until six am and had work at twelve. Even though I had my alarm set for 9:45am, my phone froze at 9:37am and I woke up at eleven fifteen, threw on clothes and rolled into work at one pm. Brilliant. Needless to say, that extra half hour I gave myself so I could shower never happened.
2. Tomorrow night my girl and I are going to the city for our friends birthday, which just so happens to be going on at our favorite party venue. One of my coworkers is planning on joining us also. But I haven't seen my girl since last week so I am excited to just have fun and be us. And I'm the DD so, no tequilla shots for me!
3. Saturday I am hanging out with a really good friend of mine, bethany. She is a total sweetheart and we are 100% overdue for a hang sesh. I'm hoping its nice out so we can chill by the pool and catch up on life and the drama with it. Even though these past few months have made it oddly harder to catch up, we never have an issue picking up where we left off. Which rules.
4. I'm going to paint something tonight i believe. Some sort of portrait. But it will not be realistic.
5. bla bla i am so over this list.
6. merves going away to turkey for the summer rooftop city party.
7. june 15th
8 and the day i get to ride a hot air balloon. which is just.. well, just putting it out there.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
listing my life away.
recent thoughts and things that have made me smile, or simply wonder.
1. a few days ago i saw an elderly woman, short and plump in a bright pink shirt an a big brimmed hat fall down in the street. I watched her swipe her hands around the warm pavement reaching out to her bag, that was only inches away, as she tried to get the strength to get up. but she didn't, she was helpless in the middle of a green light. I was a two lights away, and could not react {this was seconds} but thank god someone else did. I watched two women plunge into the street and scoop her up like angels and pull her to safety before the cars gobbled her up. I was so thankful, even though it was not me. But indeed it was a beautiful thing to watch. And i was easily reminded why I believe in the good in all people.
2. this beautiful weekend. and although i was working all weekend, in fact all week {last off day was last tuesday; next one this saturday} i enjoyed it. It made me remember my careless summer last year, how i enjoyed it so much. How i spent it at the waterfalls and car trips alike.
3. there were two pidgeons on a ledge. I was in the upper level, and was able to see them with eachother. Who ever thinks animals don't love is crazy. One flew to the other and nestled its face into the others neck with his/her eyes closed. It was perhaps the cutest thing, and I believe I was the only person around to appriciate that very moment.
4. i had a very interesting conversation with a friend the other night about personality types and such. i really can't explain it but basically it was very interesting.
5. is it normal to still be mad?
1. a few days ago i saw an elderly woman, short and plump in a bright pink shirt an a big brimmed hat fall down in the street. I watched her swipe her hands around the warm pavement reaching out to her bag, that was only inches away, as she tried to get the strength to get up. but she didn't, she was helpless in the middle of a green light. I was a two lights away, and could not react {this was seconds} but thank god someone else did. I watched two women plunge into the street and scoop her up like angels and pull her to safety before the cars gobbled her up. I was so thankful, even though it was not me. But indeed it was a beautiful thing to watch. And i was easily reminded why I believe in the good in all people.
2. this beautiful weekend. and although i was working all weekend, in fact all week {last off day was last tuesday; next one this saturday} i enjoyed it. It made me remember my careless summer last year, how i enjoyed it so much. How i spent it at the waterfalls and car trips alike.
3. there were two pidgeons on a ledge. I was in the upper level, and was able to see them with eachother. Who ever thinks animals don't love is crazy. One flew to the other and nestled its face into the others neck with his/her eyes closed. It was perhaps the cutest thing, and I believe I was the only person around to appriciate that very moment.
4. i had a very interesting conversation with a friend the other night about personality types and such. i really can't explain it but basically it was very interesting.
5. is it normal to still be mad?
Sunday, May 25, 2008
when all else fails
at least i have myself. today {and this week} has been a terrible reminder of that fact. that while everyone and everything may suck, in the end you still have you. this, and some music.
on a happier note, its a beautiful day outside. too bad its being spent waitressing on people trying to figure out everything in my head. i doubt i can figure everything out on my own, but i never have the bravery to admitt i need help, and when i admitt that i need help, i never have the words. then again, i'm very good at concentrating on good things and keeping myself cheery for the simple fact that i also don't want people to help me. such contradictions.
on a happier note, its a beautiful day outside. too bad its being spent waitressing on people trying to figure out everything in my head. i doubt i can figure everything out on my own, but i never have the bravery to admitt i need help, and when i admitt that i need help, i never have the words. then again, i'm very good at concentrating on good things and keeping myself cheery for the simple fact that i also don't want people to help me. such contradictions.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
good things,
come when you are not expecting them. at least that is what I am told.
and finally, something good seems to be happening. i don't want to jinx it though but in about two weeks i will be moving out. i'm excited and yes, slightly nervous. at least for the summer. only time will tell for sure the rest of the situation. i did not expect this.
on the other hand it would be nice if my dude situation worked out. i thought i met a really awesome guy. (which i also didn't expect) but as always, getting fucked over. i can't even be upset because it happens all to often, instead i've learned to move on.
its easier to have never loved than loved and lost. at least, to me.
once again, everything is balenced.
and finally, something good seems to be happening. i don't want to jinx it though but in about two weeks i will be moving out. i'm excited and yes, slightly nervous. at least for the summer. only time will tell for sure the rest of the situation. i did not expect this.
on the other hand it would be nice if my dude situation worked out. i thought i met a really awesome guy. (which i also didn't expect) but as always, getting fucked over. i can't even be upset because it happens all to often, instead i've learned to move on.
its easier to have never loved than loved and lost. at least, to me.
once again, everything is balenced.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
i'm alive.
hi. i'm alive. i know its been a while.
super quick update on whats in my head.
1. i was able to see almost all my boys from home a few days ago, for coffee. it was beyond awesome. i miss them all so much. we talkedd about how we are going to top this summer off.
2. jj comes home this weekend, which means party old school with my boys. i go to parties a lot, yes... but i almost never drink. this friday i will be enjoying myself for a change. i never pass down a good house party, especially because i get to crash at js.
3. i have three terrible spider bites that have been bugging me.
4. its fun catching shoplifters at work. ha, cunts.
5. i went full time at my montclair job. between this and waitressing, i have no time. i've been wanting to quit my waitressing job but its such quick, easy, under the table cash i can't not keep the job.
6. tomorrow i have a meeting with an organization i was heavily involved with in high school. My previous state director is hiring me as a manager for a team. I am excited and honored to be helping. I will be traveling and coaching high school students on leadership and public speaking development. job number three.
7. my mom found out about my ankle tattoo. Something along the lines of, "so when are you planning on telling me you have a tattoo on your ankle of a key?" 100% caught off guard. she saw it in a picture... so it wasn't 100% my bad. well to correct that, she lurked my cyberworld. she was angry and barked that i was a "rebel" and than asked if she could see it. i was tempted to tell her about my other one but, i figured the less she knows the better. right?
8. my head is brainstorming on moving out of this house. options, options, options, are arising.
9. my head is also mush on another subject that i don't even know how to write about at the moment. but i can assure you it is good, or at least i am holding onto hope that it is.
10. on a final note, i must shower. i have to be on the road at 6 20 am. do you know how early that is for me? a week ago, that would have meant twenty minutes of sleep. I am slowly fixing my restless eyes.
super quick update on whats in my head.
1. i was able to see almost all my boys from home a few days ago, for coffee. it was beyond awesome. i miss them all so much. we talkedd about how we are going to top this summer off.
2. jj comes home this weekend, which means party old school with my boys. i go to parties a lot, yes... but i almost never drink. this friday i will be enjoying myself for a change. i never pass down a good house party, especially because i get to crash at js.
3. i have three terrible spider bites that have been bugging me.
4. its fun catching shoplifters at work. ha, cunts.
5. i went full time at my montclair job. between this and waitressing, i have no time. i've been wanting to quit my waitressing job but its such quick, easy, under the table cash i can't not keep the job.
6. tomorrow i have a meeting with an organization i was heavily involved with in high school. My previous state director is hiring me as a manager for a team. I am excited and honored to be helping. I will be traveling and coaching high school students on leadership and public speaking development. job number three.
7. my mom found out about my ankle tattoo. Something along the lines of, "so when are you planning on telling me you have a tattoo on your ankle of a key?" 100% caught off guard. she saw it in a picture... so it wasn't 100% my bad. well to correct that, she lurked my cyberworld. she was angry and barked that i was a "rebel" and than asked if she could see it. i was tempted to tell her about my other one but, i figured the less she knows the better. right?
8. my head is brainstorming on moving out of this house. options, options, options, are arising.
9. my head is also mush on another subject that i don't even know how to write about at the moment. but i can assure you it is good, or at least i am holding onto hope that it is.
10. on a final note, i must shower. i have to be on the road at 6 20 am. do you know how early that is for me? a week ago, that would have meant twenty minutes of sleep. I am slowly fixing my restless eyes.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
quit for the day.
maria and i tried changing the room around. moving everything. we made little to no progress. After changing our beds t bunk beds, we realized we were missing a board for the top bunk so a matress can be placed over it. I went to some antique stores down the street, ones I normally don't go to, in search of funky lamps, old oil paintings, and a new TV stand. Everything was over 200+ and not even that funky. So, I decided against everything. So now, I have bags of clothes in the middle of the room, i'm sitting on a matress in the middle of the floor, counting bags of garbage and staring at a mess.
i'm so exhausted. so much lifting and moving and inspiration and now i am 100% done for the day. i need a power drill. anyone want to help me?
i'm so exhausted. so much lifting and moving and inspiration and now i am 100% done for the day. i need a power drill. anyone want to help me?
Monday, May 12, 2008
it is official.
I just took my last final, which I am pleased and confident in saying that I did excellent. I wish I could say the same about some of my other finals.
It is bittersweet. I am sitting in my half empty dorm space. One of my room mates has already moved out days ago. My other roommate and I have half our things missing, posters and picures torn down, and our carpet rolled away. It looks pathetic. And while I look foward to going home to see my friends, I am very indifferent about leaving. I heavily wish it was just a break, so I could rest without school work, hang and see everyone, and at the end of the week, return home to my little cubicle.
I remember when I moved out of Franklin. I lived soley in that house for nearly thirteen years. I watched myself grow up in that home. The walls echoed of laughter and fights with my sister. The floor drawings and juice spills covered in tiles, our height chart painted over in fresh color, the chair at the kitchen table my grandfather always sat in. The knowledge my sister and I had of every good tree to climb, and every perfect man hunt hiding spots, the best views from the cliffs, and the hole in the fence to get to the water tower seemed banished forever in a whole new generation of kids. It was bittersweet leaving. I didn't look back. We traded our teenie apartment with shared backyards for our own bedrooms and ten acers. How could I look back. Sometimes I drive by. Every few years. This I am terrified of, the last time I drove by, the big beautiful flowering tree that shaded our home was gone. I can't even tell you the signifigance of that very tree alone. It was base for tag, where I lost my first tooth, where I used to read my school books in the shade, where we buried a poor baby bird that fell from its nest. Oh man.
I feel like leaving my little comfort zone at montclair will be like leaving behind so much growth. In less than a year, I have experienced so much that otherwise would not have happened. I have met some of the most interesting, beautifully minded, talented, kindest of people. In return I have met some of the most wicked, twisted, selfish souls. I have experienced failure, and again lost friendships. I have betrayed and lied to. My pride destroyed. But I have also been trusted and relied on, laughed with and on. No one will know and love this little dorm space more than I do. And instead of not looking back, this time I will.
This week I move back to my humble home in Sussex.
It is bittersweet. I am sitting in my half empty dorm space. One of my room mates has already moved out days ago. My other roommate and I have half our things missing, posters and picures torn down, and our carpet rolled away. It looks pathetic. And while I look foward to going home to see my friends, I am very indifferent about leaving. I heavily wish it was just a break, so I could rest without school work, hang and see everyone, and at the end of the week, return home to my little cubicle.
I remember when I moved out of Franklin. I lived soley in that house for nearly thirteen years. I watched myself grow up in that home. The walls echoed of laughter and fights with my sister. The floor drawings and juice spills covered in tiles, our height chart painted over in fresh color, the chair at the kitchen table my grandfather always sat in. The knowledge my sister and I had of every good tree to climb, and every perfect man hunt hiding spots, the best views from the cliffs, and the hole in the fence to get to the water tower seemed banished forever in a whole new generation of kids. It was bittersweet leaving. I didn't look back. We traded our teenie apartment with shared backyards for our own bedrooms and ten acers. How could I look back. Sometimes I drive by. Every few years. This I am terrified of, the last time I drove by, the big beautiful flowering tree that shaded our home was gone. I can't even tell you the signifigance of that very tree alone. It was base for tag, where I lost my first tooth, where I used to read my school books in the shade, where we buried a poor baby bird that fell from its nest. Oh man.
I feel like leaving my little comfort zone at montclair will be like leaving behind so much growth. In less than a year, I have experienced so much that otherwise would not have happened. I have met some of the most interesting, beautifully minded, talented, kindest of people. In return I have met some of the most wicked, twisted, selfish souls. I have experienced failure, and again lost friendships. I have betrayed and lied to. My pride destroyed. But I have also been trusted and relied on, laughed with and on. No one will know and love this little dorm space more than I do. And instead of not looking back, this time I will.
This week I move back to my humble home in Sussex.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
on letting go.
i'm 100% not ready to let go of my cubicle of comfort space. i am going to write a massive first year at school review for myself once it is really over, but for now it is not. i wonder if i have for granted this experience. By nature, by human nature I have. But I can honestly vouche for myself that I tried not to, maybe not my best all the time. But i did. I know I am lucky to be able to go get an education and go to school. I know I am lucky to have met good and bad people who have taught me both good an bad things. I know I am. I just hope that when I look back forty years from now I can still feel similar.
on a side note, the reason for my blog neglect has been this terrible series of sicknesses I have been cursed with. Even my previous entry was a draft until today and i just posed it unfinished. I've been sick since last week, and thus a hermit. I have barely gone out. I have missed out on last weeks wednesday night, friday night, and saturday night parties. As well as multiple cinco de mayo on and off campus activities. I voluntarily missed out on bamboozle. missed classes. stayed up all night trying to sleep. blah. teribbble experience. Needless to say, after a double eye infection, ear infection and sinus infection, as well as a fever from my wisdom teeth that came through into my cheek, i am on a list of antibiodics and starting to feel fresh again. slowly but surely. i was good last night, even though my roommate and i hopped along between three parties- not to drink. and tonight, while my girls head to the city i'm hanging solo trying to rest up and get better.
everything has been pretty glorious. minus the fact hat i just remembered i parked my park in the wrong lot so i prolly have a ticket. shit. anyways. everything has been pretty good. now that i am getting better things seem to be looking up. I am working a lot, trying to see everyone at school before the semesters over, visiting my thrift store hot spots, laughing a looot, being sober salllly, studying and such. on a side note, nikki (if you don't know who she is by now, get with it haha) used me as a model for part of her final photography portfolio. i put a mini album up of some of the shots she took. She takes some banging photos, and I am not just being partial because I'm in them (seriously) -she takes over great photos.
i've decided that people will never have anything pleasent to say. maybe its just me or the people i associate myself with (and thank god I do) but we're all really positive people. and at least for myself I can say that I believe the good in everyone. I mean, I am outgoing and chatty and I will go out of my way to make conversation with you or make you feel comfortable in most situations. Like events, parties, if you are a friend of a friend, if I am by myself, etc. I genuinely want to know you. I talk with a lot of people, I would not consider everyone I know friends but certainly friendly, familar kind faces. I talk to people in greek life, the athlete kids, people in my hallway, people from my friends dorm floors, my friends bandmates and their girlfriends, the dudes that are always high and drunk outside my building, the gangstas i ball with. everyone. and in the end i'm just chatty and friendly, nothing less and nothing more. This is not me being cocky or concieted, this is just me knowing who I am, and how I would or do act.
but i still get these lame ass secret blog comments and honesty box, "you're a wanna be." "you think you're hott shit, get over yourself" etc comments. at least i can take to the grave that I have never left anything secretly on someones cyberworld anything that was filthy, mean or degrating. i've only ever said nice, playful things. I believe in karma. I believe in telling people how you feel as long as its good ("hey i've always thought you were really gorgeous" -kayla would understand that one) so why do people even bother saying things that can be hurtful? and ha, even say it so secretly. If you have an issue worth starting up with someone, be an adult and talk about it. No? Grow up doods, I'm not offended by your insecurities.
anyways.
on a side note, the reason for my blog neglect has been this terrible series of sicknesses I have been cursed with. Even my previous entry was a draft until today and i just posed it unfinished. I've been sick since last week, and thus a hermit. I have barely gone out. I have missed out on last weeks wednesday night, friday night, and saturday night parties. As well as multiple cinco de mayo on and off campus activities. I voluntarily missed out on bamboozle. missed classes. stayed up all night trying to sleep. blah. teribbble experience. Needless to say, after a double eye infection, ear infection and sinus infection, as well as a fever from my wisdom teeth that came through into my cheek, i am on a list of antibiodics and starting to feel fresh again. slowly but surely. i was good last night, even though my roommate and i hopped along between three parties- not to drink. and tonight, while my girls head to the city i'm hanging solo trying to rest up and get better.
everything has been pretty glorious. minus the fact hat i just remembered i parked my park in the wrong lot so i prolly have a ticket. shit. anyways. everything has been pretty good. now that i am getting better things seem to be looking up. I am working a lot, trying to see everyone at school before the semesters over, visiting my thrift store hot spots, laughing a looot, being sober salllly, studying and such. on a side note, nikki (if you don't know who she is by now, get with it haha) used me as a model for part of her final photography portfolio. i put a mini album up of some of the shots she took. She takes some banging photos, and I am not just being partial because I'm in them (seriously) -she takes over great photos.
i've decided that people will never have anything pleasent to say. maybe its just me or the people i associate myself with (and thank god I do) but we're all really positive people. and at least for myself I can say that I believe the good in everyone. I mean, I am outgoing and chatty and I will go out of my way to make conversation with you or make you feel comfortable in most situations. Like events, parties, if you are a friend of a friend, if I am by myself, etc. I genuinely want to know you. I talk with a lot of people, I would not consider everyone I know friends but certainly friendly, familar kind faces. I talk to people in greek life, the athlete kids, people in my hallway, people from my friends dorm floors, my friends bandmates and their girlfriends, the dudes that are always high and drunk outside my building, the gangstas i ball with. everyone. and in the end i'm just chatty and friendly, nothing less and nothing more. This is not me being cocky or concieted, this is just me knowing who I am, and how I would or do act.
but i still get these lame ass secret blog comments and honesty box, "you're a wanna be." "you think you're hott shit, get over yourself" etc comments. at least i can take to the grave that I have never left anything secretly on someones cyberworld anything that was filthy, mean or degrating. i've only ever said nice, playful things. I believe in karma. I believe in telling people how you feel as long as its good ("hey i've always thought you were really gorgeous" -kayla would understand that one) so why do people even bother saying things that can be hurtful? and ha, even say it so secretly. If you have an issue worth starting up with someone, be an adult and talk about it. No? Grow up doods, I'm not offended by your insecurities.
anyways.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
what a beautiful day.
and ironic. that today, such a perfect, crisp day is wasted while i sit in bed shrivled up sick and coughing. I get these bursts of energy where I want to do something but getting up makes my head feel heavy and my body weak and tispy. So i am usingt this as an excuse and, or reason to finish my neglected homework. but before i do that, i figured i'd write a little.
tomorrow is going to blow. its going to be one of those days that i can't wait until its the next. i have thre finals tomorrow. I have my art history final tomorrow, which I know the routine but its still a pain in the ass. Its like, forty five pieces of art, she picks five out of them. We need to state the artists' name, country he/she is from, the century, and six sentences of the signifigance of the work. After that, I have my Italian oral exam, five minute one on one interview with my professor. Not so badd... minus the fact that I learned 50x more last semester. This semester I do not feel my italian is stronger. My speaking and writing abilities have weakend while my knowledge of vocabulary has increased, thats it. I also have a five minute skit to do in italian wit a partner, but because we have an odd number of people I have two group members. I missed class on thursday to learn all this because I was sick in bed sleeping my life away. Literally slept through the day. After that, I have my marketing final. The end to a boring class. Yes, she knows her stuff and is very organized but its the same thing every week. I need to get a good grade on this exam because I think I am at a B or C standing. Wow, just checked my grades online I have a D for this class. Thats out of control. I'll prolly end up with a C, or B because participation and attendance count for like 30%. I've only missed twice and I do participate. Plus, I did the extra credit as well as the latest assignment which are not posted. (okay, i feel better..)
mondays continue to blow.
but other than that blurb of confusion things have been pretty good. school is almost over. i plan on writing about a blurb about my first year at school at some other time. i've been working a lot, coughing, enjoying these nice days, and trying to see everyone before these last two weeks are over.
tomorrow is going to blow. its going to be one of those days that i can't wait until its the next. i have thre finals tomorrow. I have my art history final tomorrow, which I know the routine but its still a pain in the ass. Its like, forty five pieces of art, she picks five out of them. We need to state the artists' name, country he/she is from, the century, and six sentences of the signifigance of the work. After that, I have my Italian oral exam, five minute one on one interview with my professor. Not so badd... minus the fact that I learned 50x more last semester. This semester I do not feel my italian is stronger. My speaking and writing abilities have weakend while my knowledge of vocabulary has increased, thats it. I also have a five minute skit to do in italian wit a partner, but because we have an odd number of people I have two group members. I missed class on thursday to learn all this because I was sick in bed sleeping my life away. Literally slept through the day. After that, I have my marketing final. The end to a boring class. Yes, she knows her stuff and is very organized but its the same thing every week. I need to get a good grade on this exam because I think I am at a B or C standing. Wow, just checked my grades online I have a D for this class. Thats out of control. I'll prolly end up with a C, or B because participation and attendance count for like 30%. I've only missed twice and I do participate. Plus, I did the extra credit as well as the latest assignment which are not posted. (okay, i feel better..)
mondays continue to blow.
but other than that blurb of confusion things have been pretty good. school is almost over. i plan on writing about a blurb about my first year at school at some other time. i've been working a lot, coughing, enjoying these nice days, and trying to see everyone before these last two weeks are over.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)