i'm leaving. peace.

everything has been a blur to me. sleeping, working, going to class, having a social life, driving, eating- it has all been a blur to me this week. even breathing is hard to remember. bare with me for this entry will probably make us much sense as my life right now. in all honesty, i shouldn't even be writing i should be studying for my italian exam. ma no non piarce studio per italiano. there.

i took a recent solo trip to the Met. Out of all the museums in the city, this is among my least favorites. Why you may ask? The artwork there is not really what I enjoy. I love modern, abstract, sculpture, oils etc. I am interested in ancient work and such but not enough to head to the city and spend my only day of oogling at tribal masks and naked greeks.

but for the sake of my art history term paper which is 20% of my grade I embarked on my own adventure. I decided against directions, just the location and figured i'd handle it on my own. My first dilema was catching a train that I nearly missed. Literally as I was paying for the ticket, the train appeared. Luckily the man held the train for me. But I used a twenty dollar bill for a five dollar train ride, and one by one coin by coin it popped out those sacagawea golden coins out. With a scoop into the machine I pulled out fifteen little indian faces. Half laughing at my exploding wallet I darted to the train. And realized i had forgotten my ipod.

an hour of staring out windows. and listening to people snort snot back into their noses. and phone conversations about the other house, and the kids at school. I decided to try and spot graffiti art. Old buildings and structures, etc. anything out of the ordinary to play with my eyes and perhaps be inspired.

when i got to the city i accidently ended up on the wrong subway. I ended up in East village instead of west. I walked nearly twenty blocks and decided I'd try and cut through central park. What a terrible idea.

for one, it was my first time in central park. I know, possibly bizzzare to be in the city frequently and to have never been to central park? The little dork in me was waiting to save that trip with a boy. No one in particular, just the right one. I figured it'd be fun to see and enjoy it for the first time with someone who may possibly care. But it was nothing like that. A dreary place reflecting all the harshness of the winter. With thickets of broken branches and brown grass, fences gaiting of complete sections. Trash withered away on the edges of sidewalks and a whole heap of metals, mechanical parts, and abandoned park equipment on a mound. Not what I had hoped for.

but getting lost in this barren place gave me some quiet to enjoy what i was doing at that very moment. to relax and carefully find my way out. it gave me the oppurtunity to listen to nothing but my very own boots clanking on the paved zigzagging walkways. i believed i cleared my mind in that time, evaluated some situations that were over do.

once i escaped the dissapointing jungle i grabbed the first taxi to make up for lost time. I skimmed through the museum and spent probably a total of fifteen minutes inside. i went straight to the modern art sections, took some notes on Gino Severini and peaced.

that night i went to ramapo to visit a friend and some doodz who are currently on spring break. because it was a teenie setting of people i decided to drink. Which was nice considering i have not had a drink in a while, i didn't get obliterated either. Just drank untill i felt the buzz prepping to switch. I was at a good state.

I worked all of yesterday away. My coworker adam and i were to be the only closers on a large two floored store. two employees called out. this was a death sentence for us, because this pretty much meant we were never getting out. Luckily someone came in at closing time to help us out a bit. With the extra dood we were still very short handed and didn't leave untill around eleven thirty pm.

on my way back i bought a pint of ben and jerrys magic brownie to accompany my studies and my own personal pity party. which is where this entry is going...

i'm leaving. I have decided to become a nun. due to my ongoing terrible luck with boys. terrible. unless you consider thirty year old high school teachers, cocaine addicts, and preppy jocky boys lucky. i'm incredible at finding creeps. being single is awesome, don't get me wrong. i enjoy my freedom and my oppurtunities. I'm just saying, every time something comes along with potential, after i doubt it like a hundred times, i look forwardd to it. after i am slightly excited about it, it vanishes. it=him/he ps. so i am solving all my worries and confusion and have decided i will not be returning after spring break. i shall be training to become a nun.

on that note. devo studiare per italiano per c'e mi esame e alle quattro.