what a day.

today i decided to get my life together. for real.

1. i fixed my loans, paid off some of my tuition, and sent my scholarship paperwork in. college is so expensive. i'm working too hardd and too many hours. thinking about paying for my next semester is a headache all in its own.

2. my italian class was canceled. which was fucking glorious because it was beautiful outside. so instead of sitting in class trying to understand my professors, deep, quick fully in italian lessons only conversation, i got to do what ever else i pleased. i was able to finish some work, call a school i'm trying to transfer into, and relax a tad.

3. my roommates class was canceled also, so we decided to get a tattoo shes been wanting. watching her get her ink made me want one also. so without much thought i also recieved ink. its something ive been wanting but it was kind of impulsive. im 100% okay with that though. and i'm really in love with my tattoo.

4. my happiness today came from a huge bag of peanut M&Ms i purchased. and the man at CVS waiting online for his medication, pointing in a direction, with his eyes wandering, groaning under his breath, "I said stay there. What were you thinking." Interesting perhaps? People interest me.

5. speaking of interesting people, i would really like to have a better understanding of people. culture and people shock me in oddly uncomfortable ways. to know why or how people act in certain situations. human emotion is so complicated, deep, and beautiful. i want to grasp it. connected to it. but for me, feeling exceptionally connected to someone is very difficult. i mean, i love talking but i have trouble communicating. i fear becoming close to people, or trying to.

6. its four in the morning. i went to a party where everyone was wasted. these people were all lovely, wonderful people, but out of control. i sat around playing sober sally while trying to clear my head. i realized that while everyone was making out and taking pictures that maybe i had too much on my mind. i left that party really early because i was uncomfortable feeling so down amongst such happy people. and to avoid being both a party pooper and a cock block i left. upon returning, i stumbled across drunk kayla and suzi and we watched the ending of sunny together. all i have to say to that is "fawk dat" hahaha. had to be there ps.

7. on a different note, i feel as though these next few entries may be some of my last. i've been getting really awful comments on blogs about things i don't always understand the point of. i think i am going to go back to my private blog. so i can write how i feel about everything truthfully down, in my personal, social, an love life without caring. i'm human too, and words meant to be hurtful do hurt me at times. it makes me want to write about myself so that people may understand me a little better. i don't feel half as terrible as people who don't know me, judge and assume that i am. but at the same point in time, i'd rather not spend my time trying to win the approval and acceptance that i am a good person by people who themselves may not be.

8. i went home tonight to have tea with my mother and her friend. we went to her friends house so i wouldn't have to go home. its weird feeling like a stranger in your own home. or unwelcomed. but i am looking forward to living on my own.

in the mean time, i am taking action in the changes i want. i am getting my life together. taking responsibility. enjoying the person i am still becoming. and not being stopped.