a thousand times before.

1. as i've said a thousand times before, i wish i was able to communicate better with people on how i feel. i feel annoying if i do, like there are bigger things to worry about then whatever is going on inside my head. people are starving, dying, and in war- and me? i just have a head full of nothing and everything, and i also don't know how to say, i need to talk. and to avoid my terrible communication skills when talking about me, and the um and um well i don't knows that make me sound so brilliant- i just hide anything i may possibly be feeling with a positive attitude. which is good most of the time because i don't have to deal with people pretending to care. i've been told, "you're one of the strongest people that I know."

but how does being afraid make you strong? isn't fear a weakness? I'm not strong just good at lying about how i feel. how i really feel.

2. today, while folding shirts, the power went out. Strange perhaps, but the heat was so bad that there was a shortage. Not only was it my store, and the block it was on, but about five towns. We had to close down early which worked out nicely.

3. to kill time and avoid hitting rush our traffic, one of my coworkers and I decided to see a movie. We saw the strangers. Which, I'm not sure why because i hate scary movies. i was a pussy, this I will admitt. The movie wasn't even that scary, and i think it kind of sucked.

4. I bought a few fashion design books today at barnes and nobel. I try to pick one up every once in a while for my mini design library. So expensive though, since I usually buy artsy/teaching type books. But, i think i made a great investment today, a huge book on illustration. I nearly peed my pants. I spent the last three hours on the floor sketching and reading and trying new techniques.

5. oh and on a final note, that i don't feel like getting into: carmella, what are you trying to get yourself into? please stop believing everyone is good deep down, sucker.