yes, another list.

where to start?



1. i have not had a day off since last tuesday. i'm officially exhausted and living my life through paychecks and routines. i'm putting myself over the edge, where i one way ticket to anywhere in the world sounds better than the daily grind every day.



2. yesterday i worked during the day. after, Nelson picked me up at work and we headed to silk city where I was trying to get an appt. for my new tattoo. After, we peaked at the new UO store to say hey, check it out, and congrats the staff. They did really awesome in sales yesterday, but I still love my store more.



3. I was supposed to meet nikki at the mall. But her car went somewhat crazy on her wayy there. She picked me up, fixed our plans a tad, and decided to take nikkis dads car out. (I had left my car in montclair) We both took power naps after dinner, woke up at around ten and went back to montclair to my friend Alexs' birthday party. There were a lot, a lot of people there, a huge tub of beer, and nazi cupcakes. (don't ask?) I have to be really comfortable to drink, and with so many people being there, and all the little groups. etc, etc, I decided to stay sober. which workedd out for the better because the cops ended up breaking it up. I felt bad that it was his birthday and the cops came and caused such a big scene. I met up with my coworkers and their friends at a nearby diner instead with Nikki. Which in the end was pretty fun, just to chill, chat and laugh a little. After that, i slept over nikkis. She left sometime before nine am for work, I slept in and headed to wor myself a few hours after.

4. today was an interesting day. two years ago, today, my friend and first boyfriend ever died in a car accident. It lingered on my mind, it has the past week. He was the first person I knew personallly that died at my own age. Which, is bizarre. We tend to forget that at any age we could pass away, at any time, no matter what kind of person we are. And he, he was a good person who had a head on his shoulders and his act together. I can't immagine dying now. not now. dying, is forever, you know? and i didn't go to his funeral, i think the guilt will forever haunt me. I just hate remembering people in death, i like looking back and remembering life. Anyways, rest in peace johnny. We're praying for you but God knows you should really be praying for us.

5. things have been semi awful at home. They could be worse, but they could def be a lot a lot better. I'm counting down the days for school to begin again.

6. have you ever had a crush on someone so out of your league? I'm really good at doing that. I think I have a crush on someone. But I am terrifed to for two reasons, A.) That he could like me back, and B.) He could not. If their is similar interest, it could do well which freaks me out. But if I get denied it would be such a told-you-so kick below the belt, ya know? Nikki is convinced that i should not tell him how i feel, that you never should, but i'm very to the point about this kind of stuff. But than again, she gets guys and I don't. So, who knows?

7. So between those three things I guess i've been pretty drab. i don't mean to be either, i honestly don't. I don't know if I am obvious or if people care more than i thought. an not that i would spill my heart out at work like "OMG i lyke 2tally want so-n-so, and lyke i got into a fight about bla bla bla with such n such, and feel bad for me because of this" but i knew everyone had good intentions of asking me how i was doing. i wish i had it in me to say i appreciate it in a way that would really mean thanks, because no one has ever really asked me before. my coworkers (most) and some select friends are more like family to me than my family. Even though in the end I almost get shit on by everyone, i value friendship. Its the most love i've got at times.

8. i got out of work semi early today. and after all these ra-ras of a party happening. or a few. everything started canceling out prettttty quickly. To make a long story short, I hurried to close at work, stood in the rain for ten minutes trying to figure out where we going, sat in a parkinglot for an hour waiting, almost left for wycoff to pick up nikki to find she was in the city. Half of my group left to brooklyn, the other quarter went to a local bar. One or two went home. When my hour waiting in the parking lot was up, I was following a few more people to this party and they decided on their way not to go. So at eleven pm, i had no where to go, no place to sleep since nikki was going to stay in the city, and a long drive home. Not happy one teeniiiie bit.

9. If things can't get worse, they did. All i wanted to do was to crash in my own damn bed. and my sister, my nine year old sister decided to sleep in my bed. not only does she have her own bed, she was her own damn room. my old room. and i am very particular about my sleeping space. its like my only little cubicle of space in my house, or this place that i stay. my clothes and shoes are in boxes. i don't really own any other things. my bed is my place. i hate other people in it, like sleeping in it. no shoes, crumbs or clothes are ever on/in it. I am freaked out because of course, my sister is that grubby kid who my mom has to drag into the shower, the kid who plays in the dirt when shes at recess at school, the kid who will leave stains and crums all over her face and clothes after she gets finished eating. Yes, she is a slob. sleeping in my bed. I just want my bed haha.

10. i hate waitressing. my boss, who i've worked for, forever, who won't give me any more days than one day a week, called, left a message and said be in at 12 tomorrow instead of three. demanded. I just want to get treated with respect. How can you run a business if you don't give loyal employees hours/days to work, and than demand twelve hours before hand to come in hours earlier. He does this all the time. I think I am bitter and sick of serving lazy people food.

11. no comment.

12. i've been getting weird feelings lately. or again i should say. i know things, its been driving me crazy. i know the fate to too many things and projects and peoples wishes right now. sometimes i hate knowing. sometimes i feel gifted, at least thats how people tell me how i should feel. but tell me, is it a gift to feel the bad that is to come before it does? To fear alone? To know that telling someone would mean worrying them just as much?